Confessions of a Chataholic

To confess a fault freely is the next thing to being innocent of it.

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My husband, Charlie, tells some of the funniest stories ever from his childhood or his Army days.  Even though I’ve heard it multiple times, the following story, which I call “The Popcorn Story” never fails to make me laugh. One time, I laughed so hard, I actually peed my pants. 

 Here’s the story as he told me (with some embellishments of course):

Once up on a time, a long time ago, when dinosaurs still roamed the earth, and my husband was a teenager, he had a friend named Ralph. Ralph wasn’t the smartest guy in town, but he had a nice car. One evening, he took a local girl to the drive-in movie on a date. While they were waiting for the movie to start, Ralph went to the concession stand to buy popcorn. Remember, back in those days, popcorn came in a paper box, not a cardboard tub, and the bottom of the box could be opened.

 When Ralph got back with the popcorn, he got it in his head that it would be funny to take his wee-wee out of his pants and put the popcorn box on top of it, so when he dated reached in the box for some popcorn, she’d get a “surprise”. Sure enough, when she reached in there and grabbed his pee-pee instead of popcorn, she got a surprise.

 Then Ralph got a surprise.

 She took her hand out, reached over and opened his car door, pushed him out, scooted over to the driver’s side, shut the door, started the car and drove off. Ralph was dumbfounded that she didn’t find it as funny as he did. He eventually called his dad to come pick him up at the drive-in. When his dad arrived, he wanted to know what happened to the car.

 Embarrassed to admit the truth, Ralph confessed about the trick he played on his date. As they drove home, they passed the girl’s home and there was Ralph’s car sitting in her driveway. Instead of pulling over and getting Ralph’s car for him, his dad told him he deserved what he got for such a mean trick and to teach him a lesson, he was going to let the girl keep the car and drive it for a week.

 Poor Ralph. A couple of years later, he got my husband and some other friends in trouble by telling them they could borrow the car…but that is a story for another blog.

Written by ChattyCathy867

December 1, 2010 at 10:15 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Moving

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Im moving my blog to BLOGGER – I’ve been having trouble with WordPress.

Bookmark me at http://chattycathy867.blogspot.com/

Written by ChattyCathy867

June 14, 2010 at 8:11 pm

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Ok I swear some men on are sick puppies. 

The way a certain male from AOL is acting about me not adding him to my MySpace buddy list, I get the idea he thought we were having some kind of sexual relationship.  I mean this is WEIRD.  I’ve only known the guy thru his ex-girlfriend and only met him in person a few times.  I haven’t seen him in person in ages, not since he came to the house and picked up the extra bed we were giving his son.  I think that was a year ago?  Maybe more?  I don’t even remember.

It’s not like he came over once a month or hung out with us on a regular basis.  But I’m thinking, because I refused to get in the middle of their breakup, I “wasn’t there for him” and I was “not a real friend”.  WTF?  What do these idiots on AOL consider a “real” friend?  We were acquaintances nothing more. 

I’m sorry but if you and I don’t “hang” on a regular basis (about once a month min) and we live in the same town, WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.  A friend is someone you spend time with.  Someone you enjoy being around. NOT someone you use when you need them and then drop like a hot potato as soon as you’ve used them up and spit them out!

So, if you’ve noticed I’m not “friends” with people that I hung with a year ago….there’s a reason for it.  (See above)

Or maybe there are “levels” of friends that I’m not aware of…but to me, a friend is someone I spend quality time with and someone I can talk to about anything. Not someone I say hi to in chatrooms or see in person once every 3 months at an AOL drunkfest!

Over the summer, I accidentally turned on a TV program that turned out to be a “church program”.  I was all set to change the channel then noticed the speaker was talking about friends and relationships.  So, I thought I’d watch for a bit.  Ended up watching the entire show, it was that interesting (it was captioned too believe it or not).

Three C’s of Relationships

Let’s see if I can remember it all…I wrote down the 3 C’s though

Commitment

Are they there for YOU when you need them? Or do you only see them when they need something from you?

Confidentiality

Can they keep their mouths shut about your private business? Or do they tell everyone they know what you’ve been doing?

Constructiveness

Do they encourage you or put you down? Do they hold you back? Or do they encourage you to be the best you can be?

Written by ChattyCathy867

October 20, 2007 at 8:38 pm

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Separated by Deafness

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“Blindness separates us from things but deafness separates us from people” Helen Keller

I had to get a hearing test for SSI evaluation. I’m still deaf, just got deafer. (Is that a word?) Dr. McGee of Hough Institute said I have nerve deafness – no hope for me (like this is anything new). I asked if I was a candidate for cochlear implants and he said I should be in 10 years but not right now. I feel like I need to make the effort to get involved in organizations that provide services to people with hearing loss.

But, I’m not “Deaf” nor will I ever be. I wasn’t raised in the culture and don’t plan to join it anytime soon. (Capital D on the word Deaf implies Deaf culture – little d “deaf” is a level or hearing loss.) “Deaf” to me always seems to have this image of “not very bright” because their education is about a 6th grade level. I have a college degree and if I can get my status back as fully disabled I’m going to go back to school. I know I keep saying this, and my health issues have gotten in the way, but it’s going to happen someday. I have to get DRS (Dept of Rehab Services) and SSI to certify me as disabled so I can get the assistance I need – mostly I need transcriptionists because I don’t sign as a first language.

“Forgive me when you see me draw back when I would have gladly mingled with you. My misfortune is doubly painful to me because I am bound to be misunderstood; for me there can be no relaxation with my fellow men, no refined conversations, no mutual exchange of ideas. I must live almost alone, like one who has been banished; I can mix with society only as much as true necessity demands. If I approach near to people a hot terror seizes upon me, and I fear being exposed to the danger that my condition might be noticed.” Ludwig van Beethoven

I guess I’m embarrassed to have such a severe hearing loss. It was always a “bad thing” while growing up. I don’t like anyone to know right away that I have a hearing loss because I don’t want them to treat me different. I like that they are surprised when they find out and that I’m relatively normal – just need to make sure I am looking at them when they talk to me and try not to talk superfast . The staff at the ear doctor’s office seemed inexperienced with a hearing loss. The audiologist talked way too fast for me. I had to remind her that I need to lipread (or speechread or whatever the heck they call it now).

Most people take their hearing for granted. I’d give anything to be able to hear without my aids, use the telephone like everyone else, and recognize sounds for what they are, not having to ask “what’s that noise” all the time.

Written by ChattyCathy867

June 19, 2007 at 6:03 pm

Posted in Medical, Uncategorized

The Chatty One Rambles about Relationships

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One of our friends stayed with us the last couple of days, until she can get a vehicle. It was easier for her to stay here, rather than drive back and forth to pick her up in the mornings. I was going to let her drive “Clifford”, the car I inherited from my grandmother a few years ago, but Clifford is parked in the country and the ground is too wet right now to move him. Fortunately, she’ll be able to get her own car today and get her life back. I’m glad to see her doing so well these days.

One of the things that blew my mind when I started hanging out with her was the number of men that would hit on her. Even worse were the ones that would ask me about her and want to be introduced, and I would let them know she’s at a point in her life where they needed to back off and let her recover from her last relationship. They didn’t seem to care they might be a “rebound” relationship, and I got the impression they were hoping for a “conquest”.

Call me naïve. I was raised to believe sex was a meaningful part of a committed relationship. Not an extracurricular activity.

The other day I was thinking about this subject, and recalled hearing a woman say she sleeps with a man to see if he’s good enough in bed and worth dating. WTF? Is it any wonder he then turns out to be a total asshole? Wouldn’t it make more sense to get to know the guy as a friend first, to see if your personalities are compatible? Then, if he isn’t as great in bed as you’d like, maybe you could communicate with him and teach him how to make love to you?

Call me ignorant for this one. I thought it was a joke when I first heard people do this, but who in their right mind talks to someone on the internet for a few weeks then goes to meet them for the first time just to have sex with them? Or is this the new fad in dating? Instead of actually dating someone, they just hook up on the internet for a couple of fucks?

I know I’m getting older. And I’ve never been very trendy. Maybe that’s why all this stuff is so weird to me.

The other day, I had to ask my husband why some men think it’s attractive to brag about how many women they’ve had. To new women. The only thing I can think of is somehow in their twisted minds, these men think by telling a woman how experienced they are, she’ll be more likely to fuck them. That somehow it makes them more desirable to women. It always made me want to puke, especially when I knew the “other” women.

Let me tell you a little secret. If you don’t brag about your conquests, the other guys won’t know about it and you’ll have it all to yourself.

Good grief, I’m rambling again. They don’t call me Chatty Cathy for nothing do they?

Written by ChattyCathy867

April 18, 2007 at 8:41 am

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Agononizing Amazingly AOLish

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What a weekend.

I haven’t been very forthcoming about health issues lately because I just don’t want to talk much about it. I don’t want everything thinking I’m some kind of hypochondriac. But, I’m getting older and my body isn’t working as well as it did when I was in my 20’s, so of course, there are things that need to be fixed. Kind of like the maintenance on a car.

About 6 weeks ago I received a procedure called “Novasure”. My gynecologist did the procedure which basically cauterizes the lining of the uterus with a jolt of electricity. Angela keeps asking the details of the voltage and wattage or something technical like that but that’s over my head. I don’t CARE so long as it works and I don’t have another period in my life!

This week, I’m seeing a neurologist because my right arm keeps going numb and I have shooting pains my right hand when I try to do anything with it (like write!). I’ve already had an MRI and the doctors can’t find anything wrong with my arm. So, now I get to see the neurologist. My family doctor gave me some painkillers and muscle relaxants, so I’ve been blissfully stoned the last few days.

Why the blog title?

It seems like any time I finally start making friends through AOL, I screw up and make friends with the “wrong” people. They aren’t “bad” people, but they turn out to be “fair weather friends”. They want me to be there for them when things are bad for them, but when my life takes a downfall, they aren’t there anymore. The last couple of weeks I’ve been in so much pain, I can barely take care of myself and my family, much less take care of adults who should be taking care of themselves. I’m sorry their lives suck, but I can’t fix it and I can’t stand listening to them continually whine about it. If I offer advice, it’s hardly ever taken. Maybe I have shitty advice to them, but at least I know what to do because I’ve been in their shoes before. Or maybe they wanted me to step in and make everything ok? I have no idea.

This month yet again someone decided to berate me for marrying a man old enough to be my father. Get over it. I married the man I love, who I thought would have a real family with me. We have our ups and downs. And it’s not always easy having a 20-year age difference. But after watching some of the whining in the room about other women’s husbands, I find new reasons to be grateful for him. By the way, the person who berated me in the room for marrying a man so much older seems to have forgotten her AOL buddy is involved with an older man as well. I wish I had thought to say that when she was on her rant, but I was trying to let it blow over. It’s hard to not egg her on a little bit, though. I find it funny when people go berserk in the room. I can see her screeching and raving like a lunatic.

Written by ChattyCathy867

April 16, 2007 at 3:30 pm

Posted in Uncategorized