Babbies, Bubbles and Bubbies

The drama on Real Housewives of New Jersey was slow this week. Teresa had a baby, Caroline’s son tests his car wash / strip club idea, and Danielle hires bodyguards to protect her at a charity event.

Danielle Staub thinks she needs "protection"

 Yes, you read that right. Danielle feels like she needs her “friend” Danny and his buddy John, both ex-felons, to protect her at a charity event because it’s being held at The Brownstone, which is owned by the Manzo family. The owner of the Preakness Diner requested Danielle attend a fundraiser for a relative whose infant daughter has cancer. Two questions popped in my head while I was watching this scene. First, Danielle has FRIENDS? Why in the world does she so desperately want to be friends with the other Housewives then? Second, Why Danielle? Why is she so important? Is this a setup by Danielle? Did Bravo edit something from the footage?

Why can’t I write anything light-hearted about this episode? I mean, other than the Danielle drama, it was a happy, fun episode. But, Danielle hiring ex-felons for bodyguards stands out in my memory.

BABBIES:

 

Teresa's new daughter, Audriana Guidice

Teresa gave birth to Audriana in this week’s episode. I was amazed to watch this woman pack a suitcase full of makeup and jewelry to give birth. Who does that? I wasn’t even allowed to have makeup or nail polish on during the actual labor and birth. And then she cooked French toast for the kids while in labor! I couldn’t believe they were showing the epidural! I guess I should be glad I couldn’t see mine! My friend, Kristina, held my hands and coached me through my epidural with my daughter, Meagan, and she didn’t promise me diamonds! Afterwards, Teresa was dressed in leopard print pajamas and already had hair accessories on baby Audriana and was still in full makeup and hoop earrings. After 10 hours of labor, you couldn’t tell the woman just had a child! Lucky!

BUBBLES:

Last season, Christopher Manzo shared his dream of opening a car wash / strip club business. So his dad, Albert, introduces him to Rick the owner of the Perfect Shine car wash. Rick offers Christopher a chance to manage the car wash “his way” when Christopher states he can bring in more business on the slowest day of the week. While the family was sitting around Albert’s desk with Rick, I felt like I was watching a new version of “The Godfather” movies, with Albert Manzo playing Don Corleone. Things that make you say hmmmm…

BUBBIES:

So off Christopher goes to his one-day internship at Scores, a strip joint in Manhattan. Oh, excuse me, a gentleman’s club, as the manager was quick to point out to Christopher. I’m sure everyone could see what would happen next, and of course, Christopher hires a few pretty, young things to bring in business at the car wash. Rick shows up at the car wash later that day and his eyes are bugging out. He’s not sure if he likes this plan to bring in some hotties to attract customers, until he find out he had more business this one day than he’s had in the history of the car wash.

 

Caroline Manzo

As Caroline says (paraphrased), “Follow your dreams, but two rules can never be broken. Never do anything illegal. And never do anything with the intent to hurt another.”

Catty Walk

Danielle Staub

The show’s just barely begun and already Danielle is starting drama!  Good Lord!  What is wrong with that woman?  First of all, don’t ask your young daughter for advice on dealing with people.  You’re putting too much responsibility on her. You’re supposed to have ADULT friends to ask for advice, but oh wait, you run them all off with your constant gossiping and badmouthing.  If you want drama that bad, why don’t you become an actress?  At least you’ll be too busy working to be bothered to pester Jacqueline and Dina or worry about what Caroline and Teresa think of you.

“My marriage is more important to me than a friendship with Danielle.”

Well said Jacqueline.  I too, would put my  husband and children before a friendship with a woman who didn’t have any respect for me and was too self-absorbed to realize my life was just as important as hers.

RHONY has psychics…RHONJ has “energists”? What?  Basically, you’re using uncertified counselors to give you advice for stuff that’s common sense to the rest of us?    Dina, if you don’t like Danielle and you’re uncomfortable around her, just quit talking to her.  And if she continues to harass you, tell her point blank you don’t like being around her and why.  Feel free to be detailed in exactly why, too.  That’s the ONLY way to get rid of someone like Danielle.

I envy the other women their friendship…that kind of family and friendship isn’t common and they are fortunate to have each other.  I get the impression Danielle wants to be included because she doesn’t have anything like that in her life, but she’s has this aura about her that makes the other women uncomfortable to be with her.

Christine Staub

How incredible is it that 2 of the daughters were invited to walk the runway at Fashion Week?   Poor Gia, only 8 years old and having a meltdown ’cause daddy was mean.   Poor Christine, she’s got the opportunity of a lifetime and Danielle wants it for herself.   Get out of there old woman, you’re making your daughter uncomfortable.

We’re going to break and Danielle is saying she might have thrown up in her mouth a little bit when seeing her daughter on the runway…WHAT THE HECK?  This outta be interesting.  I’ve never felt that way before when my daughter was doing something special.  My heart would beat too fast and I’d be excited, but not to the point of “throwing up in my mouth a little”.  That’s usually what happens when you’re grossed out.  (Oh hurry and be over commercials..I gotta see this!)

First, Gia gets her moment and she’s absolutely adorable.  And Teresa, 9 months pregnant dressed in a sexy lil number and 3 inch heels.  Va Va Voom Mommy!

The “throw up in  my mouth” thing was simply Danielle in hysterics.  Again. Afterwards, she rambles about how she’s going to ride her daughter’s coattails (like Billy Ray Cyrus did with Miley) to Paris and Milan.   

Next week should be interesting…Teresa goes into labor!  I predict plenty of Teresaisms even better than puffy chuckies!